


The things I haven’t said to you

by romybook



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-31 00:09:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1025007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romybook/pseuds/romybook
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Have you never wondered what were those things John haven't told to Sherlock? The things his psychiatric mentioned in the final episode of Season 2. John writes to Sherlock after his dead and it's his final opportunity to tell him what he has on his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The things I haven’t said to you

“If only you were still here. If only you had performed this little miracle I asked of you.

Maybe I wouldn’t have had the bravery to tell you these words. But, now that you are gone, I definitively haven’t.

I was so alone before I met you. And now, I’m worse than an empty shell.

I told you, Sherlock: nobody could make me believe that you were a fraud, a fake, or whatever you called it.

Because of your eyes, Sherlock. Because of the tears I heard in your voice. Because of your hand, held out in my direction just before you jumped. Because of all the true smiles you gave me. Even because of the way you looked at me.

Sure, I can’t tell what you were truly feeling, but I’m sure that you felt something. You were not the man you thought you were, this high-functioning sociopath.

I don’t exactly know why you wanted me to believe that you had lied. Maybe, for one second, you truly believed you had. I know Moriarty has shaken you in a way nobody had ever done before. I know he made you ask questions of yourself. And maybe the answers you got weren’t good enough.

I can see it now. Not because I’m smart. That’s never been my role in our partnership. But I had to ask questions of myself too. So I know the feeling. That’s why I understand.

And I’ll tell you what: I’m more disturbed than ever. Especially because you’re not here with me to explain these things.

But I still come to the conclusion that I was blind. That most people are blind. That nobody wants to see the obvious. You were the only one who could do that. Because you were brave. The bravest man I’ve ever seen.

And, for you, I have to be courageous, too.

I don’t know what the future is going to bring me. But I’m sure I don’t want to die without you knowing that. Even if you’re dead and I’m addressing this PM to your unused mailbox:

I loved you Sherlock. I love you and I always will.

Yours forever, John.”

 

“PS: This is a straight man confessing this. I am not gay even if I did find you really attractive with all your cheekbones.”

…

Sherlock looks at his screen, stunned. A tear he doesn’t want falls on his cheek.

John is far from stupid. Of course he knows it. He didn’t choose him as a partner for no reason.

But, yet, knowing that he is probably the only human being on Earth who can see through him like that- the only human being who really loves him. Despite or thanks to all of that…


End file.
